guys aren’t jerks

So… I was thinking about this the other day, and now I’m going to write a blog post about it.

Guys, you’re hard to understand. and sometimes you act like jerks. and we, as girls, don’t like that. And the basic definition of acting like a jerk is treating someone like they’re not important. and we definitely don’t like that.

Girls, how many times have you said to yourself (or your girlfriends), “guys are just jerks”? I’m just gonna say I have been guilty of this so many times. like, soooo many. But we HAVE to stop saying that.

“Stop saying that!”

I’ll tell you why we say it, if you don’t already know.  It’s much more comfortable to think that all guys are naturally jerks and will treat you badly, than to admit that : there’s something wrong with you/you’re a bad judge of character/you’ve been putting up with a bad person/ or any number of things.

[There is nothing wrong with you. Don’t ever tell yourself that. It’s a lie from the devil].

“Guys are jerks” is a lie. And it helps NO ONE. It’s not fair to all the very great guys out there. It’s not fair to the jerks. It’s not fair to you.

THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN WE BELIEVE THIS LIE

1) we don’t trust the good guys.

They’re real, ladies. They’re out there. And I’m sorry, (and I know this is cheesy), but we won’t find love if we assume everyone is just waiting to screw us over.

2) we give the bad guys a free pass.

What, you were mean to me? You were insensitive about my cat’s death/didn’t pay for the meal/told me I looked fat in those jeans/cheated on me? Oh well. You’re just being a guy. That’s what guys do.  This might not come as a surprise, but let me reinforce: no guys, and especially the ones we love (including brothers in Christ), should be allowed to get away with less then gentleman-like behavior.  It doesn’t serve them or help them grow when we assume that they can’t change.

3) we give the bad guys a free pass.

that’s right, twice.  As a sinner, you deserve the wrath of God (so do I).  But as a woman living among many other sinners, you do not deserve to be treated like trash.  If you devalue men (they’re jerks!) and let them devalue you, you devalue yourself. And then they devalue you more because that’s the way a Vicious Cycle works. Don’t stick around with a bad dude just because you think he can’t help it! Because he totally can! But he doesn’t have to because you seem fine with it!

I am not saying we should all burn our bras and pursue our inner goddesses. This is me talking. But Men as a Race are not jerks. We need to figure that out. And then we need to kick the jerks to the curb and be patient for the Gentlemen to figure out they can come out of hiding. You don’t have to put up with a crummy relationship.  That’s not the only kind of relationship out there.  Sure, a good man is hard to find… but feel free to start looking and stop settling.

And guys? This is me saying, I’m holding you to higher standard now.  It’s a sign of respect, and I expect you to take that seriously.

Colleen, OUT!